A Look at Yourself before getting married
No doubt you can list the qualities you would want in a mate.
It is much more difficult, however, to look at yourself to determine how you can contribute to a marriage. Self-scrutiny is vital, both before and after taking the vows of wedlock. Let’s consider the following the steps
Before Getting Married
Be ready to make a lifelong commitment to your mate.
In the past, many husbands left their mates, perhaps to marry younger women. Today too, such attitude has grown worse. Both men and women are not ready for such a lifelong commitment. So, am I ready?
Before getting married, ensure you past the youthful age when emotional feelings run quite strong and can affect good judgment
“It is very risky to get married too young,” says Nikki, who was 22 when she married. She cautions: “Your feelings, goals, and tastes will continue to change from the time you are in your late teens until you are in your mid-to-late 20’s.”
Of course, readiness for marriage cannot be measured by age alone. Nevertheless, marrying when one is not past the youthful stage when sexual feelings are new and especially strong can distort one’s thinking and blind one to potential problems. So, am I ready?
Write down on a paper, traits you need to have that will help contribute to a successful marriage
Clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering. This counsel is appropriate for those who are contemplating marriage as well as for those who are already married. So am I ready?
Before getting married, try to develop the maturity needed to support a mate through difficult times.
“When problems occur,” says one doctor, “the tendency is to blame the mate. Who is to blame is not what is most important. Rather, it is how both husband and wife can cooperate to improve the marital relationship.” Two are better than one, for if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up. But how will it be with just the one who falls when there is not another to raise him up? Maturity is needed here! So am I ready?
Be generally cheerful and optimistic, not predominantly gloomy and negative.
A negative person views each day as bad. Marriage does not miraculously change this attitude! A single person—man or woman—who is largely critical or pessimistic will simply become a married person who is just as critical or pessimistic. Such a negative outlook can put a terrible strain on a marriage. So am I ready?
Keep calm under pressure, rather than given in to uncontrolled expressions of rage.
Be “slow about wrath.” Before marriage and during marriage, a man or a woman should cultivate the ability to live by this counsel: “Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state.” So am I ready?
Infatuation versus Love
Infatuation feels like love. In fact, love includes romantic feelings. But the basis for each is entirely different. Infatuation stems from a superficial reaction to surface qualities. Also, it is blind to the other person’s weaknesses and exaggerates his or her strengths. As a result, infatuation is about as stable as a castle made of sand. “It doesn’t last long,” says a girl named Fiona. “You can be attracted to someone one day, and then a month later you feel the same way—but toward someone else!”
Love is based on a well-rounded knowledge of a person’s strengths and weaknesses. Love is much more than a feeling. Love is, long-suffering and kind. . . . It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. And love makes a person act in these ways based on knowledge—not on credulity or ignorance.
“To me, it seems that real love should grow over time. At first, you’re good friends. Then, little by little, you like what you have come to know about the person, and you start to develop feelings that you’ve never had before.”—Judith.
Be assured that you can find that kind of love—if you learn to look beyond attraction (what you see) and infatuation (what you feel). A look at yourself will help you to decide if you are ready to get married.