It seems you cannot forget the thoughtless acts and harsh words, your spouse has said or done.
They seems to be printed in your heart and memory that it cannot be erased. Forgiveness seems to be difficult. The result? The love and affection you once had, has dwindled and been substituted with dislike and resentment.
What will you do? Leave the marriage or get a divorce? Well, it is a personal choice. The truth is, a loveless marriage can be awakened with love again. Be confident that things can get better. Yes, love can grow again!
Let’s consider what forgiveness really is and its importance in marriages and in relationships, thus avoiding resentment?
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
To forgive means that you let go of an offense and any feelings of resentment it may have caused. Forgiveness does not require that you minimize the wrong or pretend it never occurred.
If you sincerely love someone, you are ready to look past that person’s imperfections and focus on what the person is trying to become.
Facts About Forgiveness
Unforgiving spirit can pull down a marriage. Why so? Because it damages the very qualities upon which a marriage should be built, including trust, love and loyalty.
Today, failure to forgive is a problem in many marriages. It has destroy so many marriages.
IMPORTANT THINGS YOU SHOULD DO
To avoid hurting yourself, you should learn to forgive your spouse. Failure to forgive is like slapping yourself and then expecting the other person to feel the pain.
The family member who is the focus of your resentment may be feeling just fine, enjoying life, and perhaps not at all troubled by any of this. Resentment hurts you far more than the person you resent.
Harboring resentment or failing to forgive is a heavy load to carry in life. When we develop unforgiving spirit, it fills our thoughts, deprive us of peace, and quenches our joy.
Reports indicates that harboring anger can increase our risk of heart disease and a host of other chronic illnesses.
Take Responsibility For Your Resentment.
No doubt, it is easy to blame your spouse. But remember that forgiveness is a choice.
Learn to cultivate the habit to forgive. Why? Forgiveness gives you a moment to address your marriage problems with a better frame of mind. No wonder it is advised that couples should avoid every sort of malicious bitterness.
Even if someone has deliberately hurt us, let us not allow ourselves to be vessels in which resentment is stored.
Show Insight On The Matter
Having an insight on a matter will encourage you to quickly forgive. What is insight? Insight is the ability to see beneath the surface, to look beyond the obvious.
Insight nurtures understanding, for it can help us to discern why another person spoke or acted in a certain way.
Earnest effort is required to help you understand his genuine motives, feelings, and circumstances. Understanding the situation, may help us to dispel negative thoughts and feelings toward him.
Honest Examination Of Yourself
Why not examine yourself honestly to see how you can work on the quality….forgiveness. Some people easily gets angry.
Does that describe you? Ask yourself: ‘Do I easily get offended? Do I tend to make issues over minor matters?’
The one who keeps focusing on a matter divides close friends. That can happen in a marriage as well.
So if you have a tendency not to forgive, ask yourself, ‘Could I be more patient with my spouse?’
“When you love someone, you can let it go and look past that person’s imperfections and instead see the person that he or she is trying to become.”—James.
The next time you are hurt by something your spouse has said or done, ask yourself:
▪ ‘Am I overly sensitive?’
▪ ‘Is the offense so serious that I need an apology, or can I just overlook it?’
Talk It Over With Your Spouse
▪ What can we do to quickly forgive?
▪ How long does it usually take for us to forgive each other?
Why Forgiveness Matters?
If you hold on to resentment, you can harm yourself physically and emotionally—you can also damage your marriage.
“One time my husband apologized for something that hurt me deeply. It was hard for me to forgive him. I eventually did, but I regret that I didn’t do it sooner. It put an unnecessary strain on our relationship.”—Kate.
A Time To Speak And To Be Silent
Not every offense needs to be discussed. Sometimes you can simply have your say in your heart, upon your bed, and keep silent. When you do need to discuss a grievance, wait until your irritation has passed.
“When I feel hurt,” says a wife named Beatriz, “I try to calm down first. Sometimes I later realize that the wrong was not that serious.
When you are offended, focus on your spouse good qualities. Do not assign bad motives to your spouse.
Try to spare your spouse’s behavior, remembering that we all stumble many times.
It’s easy to forgive when we’re both at fault, but it’s more difficult when the offense seems one-sided. Accepting an apology and forgiving takes true humility.